Book Club #4 - Haikyu!!

Content Warning: This article discusses depression.

My partner had gotten me into anime through a variety of series, including Teasing Master Takagi-san, Assassination Classroom, and, most importantly, Haikyu!!. I had already enjoyed the show immensely before I decided to read the manga, so I was hopeful that I’d feel similarly about the initial telling of the story by the mangaka himself, Haruichi Furudate.

But before we dive in, I will warn you that this post isn’t like my other book club posts. It’s less about the manga and more about my professional development journey (meaning I also don’t dive into any spoilers), specifically why it’s so hard for me to talk about Haikyu!! in a light-hearted way.

From the Top

Something felt different when I read the manga as opposed to when I originally watched the anime, and I don’t think it’s because there’s that much inherently different about them. They ultimately follow the same story, and while the anime is better at showing the fast-paced action that is volleyball, I believe that both carry the same spirit.

When I first watched the series Haikyu!!, a lot of things in my life were different. I was working for a company that develops software for healthcare workers. I felt like it was the kind of job where I’d be able to make a positive impact. As a transgender person, I was on the front lines to make it as easy as possible to provide the best care to people of all genders while affirming their identities.

But while I was working there, I struggled a lot. I’ve never struggled in school, and even during my work’s training period, I blazed through the curriculum with high marks. I didn’t understand why, then, I struggled to develop features even close to on time or to stay on task. Doctors I spoke with at the time didn’t think it was ADHD, and though they tried to treat me for depression, I never got better. I was being paid a six-figure salary in spite of sitting around, splitting hairs on what the hell was wrong with me. I felt so guilty about it that I couldn’t face my coworkers, and I started calling off of work much more often. I eventually got fired for not working enough.

I still feel immense guilt for that. I failed to make a difference when I had the chance. I failed to figure out what was even wrong with me. I failed to be financially stable. In the end, I’m in debt by multiples of thousands of dollars (in addition to my student loans), living paycheck to paycheck.

In my last post, I was mentioning how I wanted to follow up the depressing story of Flowers for Algernon with something more light-hearted. And I’m sure to most people, Haikyu!! is the perfect story to brighten their mood with its themes of determination, perseverance, and finding a sense of belonging. I thought it would be a good story to cover myself, since back when I first watched the anime for the first time, I was so inspired by it. There was one character in particular I resonated with.

It’s Not Over

“Why keep fighting even when I’m hopelessly outmatched? One reason. Because I haven’t lost yet!”

- Shoyo Hinata

Hinata acts an unstoppable force who will reach the top regardless of what anyone else says or does. Even when no one wants to play volleyball with him, even when people judge him for being shorter than the average player, Hinata keeps going and finds a way to make it work. He essentially acts as the type of person I strive to be, unwavering in his determination and always willing to put in the hard work to get what he wants.

When reading Haikyu!!, I felt a sense of dread. I looked back on the years since I got fired, and realized how little had changed. No other company had decided to hire me since I was first fired. I believe it was only two companies who even gave me interviews. The industry keeps pushing AI products that steal content, replace creative minds, and destroy the planet. It all felt hopeless.

How was I to talk about Haikyu!! in a light-hearted way? I was tempted to just ignore all these feelings and write a post about the story and how it’s so inspiring, in spite of the fact that I had never felt less inspired. All the positive memories I had watching Haikyu!! felt like a lifetime ago as I sat contemplating what went wrong.

So I did what I could. I thought about anything that had changed in my life since then. And, well, I take care of my chores - that was something I always struggled with. It’s a private victory, though, so not much to actually show for that. I’ve developed plugins for OpenRCT2 in my spare time. Though, thinking back on them, I get self-conscious about how long it took me to write them. It’s all back to developing software at that job, where I was slower than molasses.

I kept procrastinating writing this post because I hated how depressing I was being. I needed something, anything, to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I spent time reading about web development and completing exercises in the curriculum I was following (The Odin Project for anyone interested). Again, this was just school. I already knew I was good at school. In a last-ditch effort, I quickly wrote up the first version of an app called Weight a Minute. When lifting in the gym, it’s easy for me to lose track of how many sets I’ve done of a particular workout. I’d have one app open to track my sets and another to set a timer for between sets. This was a lot of overhead, so I wanted an all-in-one solution.

I still don’t know exactly how I feel about the app. It’s just some vanilla HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. It doesn’t use any frameworks commonly used in professional environments, and I developed it solo instead of with a team. And in spite of all of that, it’s something I actually use. It’s not just some assignment I was given, and I even completed it within a reasonable time frame. Is it going to land me my next computer science job? Probably not. But maybe I can stop feeling like a hack when calling myself a software developer.

Hinata’s determination is certainly a very high standard that is perhaps unrealistic to strive for. But I can’t help trying. Even with the odds stacked against me as I need to work forty hours a week to survive, I want to develop software whenever I can. Even when I get frustrated with the industry’s push towards AI, I want to create cool things with my brain. Even when I worry that I’ve ruined my life and can’t bounce back, I get back up. Because it’s not over.

Until the Ball Hits the Ground

This post went through so many iterations before I eventually landed on this version. I hope you enjoyed it in spite of it being kind of a downer. I think my biggest inspiration to break from my previously established formula was the video i am a failed art major in 2026. by Sunnymations. It especially inspired me to be more open about how the manga made me feel rather than trying to analyze it like I would in a school report.

In my next book club post, I’ll be covering The Teller of Small Fortunes by Julie Leong. Feel free to read it for yourself before I cover it. See you then!